Friendship plays a powerful role in our wellbeing. It can build confidence, provide emotional support, improve heart and brain health, promote a positive outlook on life, and reduce stress.

Strong friendships also foster a sense of belonging and reduce the risks associated with loneliness and exclusion. At their core, good friendships are built on communication, empathy, and mutual respect. They are resilient because they have both strength and flexibility.

Characteristics of a Good Friend

Good friendships are often grounded in integrity, care, and kindness. Some common traits include:

  • They value and respect you

  • Reciprocity, where you value and respect them in return

  • Honesty, with communication that is truthful and kind

  • Trust, so you can share feelings and know personal information is kept safe

  • Reliability, being there for each other in both good and difficult times

  • Being a good listener, with a non-judgemental approach

  • Similar or complementary core values, such as kindness, creativity, courage, learning, and fairness

  • A mix of shared and different interests, where you enjoy some of the same things while being curious and supportive of differences

  • Inclusivity, where they invite you to be part of opportunities and group activities

  • Enjoyment, where the friendship is generally positive and fun to be part of

  • Loyalty, standing up for you and supporting you

  • Flexibility, making an effort to stay in touch, communicate, and share new experiences, even as life changes

There are different types of friendships, such as acquaintances, friends, close friends, and best friends. The depth of the relationship often depends on how many of these traits you share.

Expectations and perspective also matter. Not everyone will like you, share your interests, or accept you for who you are, but there are people who will. Being polite, kind, and respectful shows that you value both yourself and others, regardless of the level of friendship.

What Friendship Is Not

Sometimes it is just as important to recognise behaviours that show someone may not be a healthy or supportive friend.

Signs of an unhealthy friendship can include:

  • They make you feel uncomfortable or undervalued

  • They put you down, either directly or indirectly, often disguised as joking or teasing

  • The friendship feels conditional, with rules that change to suit them

  • They betray your trust or share personal information

  • They behave in unpredictable or volatile ways that make you feel anxious

  • There is little reciprocity, where they take time, support, or effort without giving it back

  • They compare, rank, or try to change you in order to keep the friendship

  • They avoid taking responsibility for their actions and blame you instead

  • They react negatively to your success or need to be the centre of attention

  • They set arbitrary benchmarks you must meet to remain friends

  • They ask you to do something unsafe, unkind, or dangerous to “prove” the friendship

Maintaining Friendships and Coping With Change

Friendships can change as life changes. Moving schools, starting new activities, or changing routines can all affect how often you see and connect with friends. Nurturing friendships helps keep those bonds strong.

Be Kind

  • Make regular “deposits” of kindness by offering support, listening, and showing that you care

  • Set aside time to spend together, even when life gets busy

Listen

  • Share the spotlight and allow your friend to talk about their experiences

  • Ask questions to understand, not to take over the conversation

Open Up

  • Share your own thoughts and feelings

  • Let trusted friends know what is happening in your world and how you are feeling

Trust

  • Remember that new friends and experiences do not replace old ones

  • Be supportive and non-judgemental as your friend’s world grows

Make Time

  • Plan time to catch up in person or online

  • Ask a parent or caregiver for help with organising and time management if needed

Practice Mindfulness

  • Try to keep perspective instead of focusing only on mistakes or what might go wrong

  • Practice gratitude to help balance anxious or uncertain feelings

  • Remember that confidence and positivity are often qualities people are drawn to in a friend

Summary

  • Children on the autism spectrum can sometimes be more vulnerable when building and assessing friendships, particularly if they find social communication or interpretation challenging

  • Good friends are caring, show integrity, and are kind and respectful

  • Unhealthy friendships often involve behaviours that are controlling, dismissive, or unkind

  • Maintaining strong friendships takes effort, openness, flexibility, and mutual care

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