This week, my daughter and son head back to school. Alongside the new uniforms, packed lunches, and fresh routines, thereโs been a mix of nervousness and a little excitement especially about seeing friends againย
For many families,ย back-to-school season is emotional. But for families ofย neurodivergent children, it can be especially hard. The pressure, the uncertainty, the sensory load, the expectations all of it can feel bigger, heavier, and more overwhelmingย
When burnout doesnโt magically disappear over the holidaysย
At the end of last year, we were all in clear burnout. The kind that seeps into everything energy, confidence, regulation, joy. While the school holidays have helped, I donโt feel like we have fully recovered. That brings with it a lot of uncertainty, and some hard questions Iโm still sitting with.ย
Is mainstream schooling the right path for us long-term?
Are we pushing too hard, too soon?
What does success really look like for us?ย
Right now, weโre taking it term by term. Iโm focusing on setting them up for success as best I can and seeing how the first term unfolds, while staying open to the possibility that we may need to adjust our approachย
Why transitions can feel so bigย
Sudden changes in routine and big transitions can be extremely triggering for neurodivergent children. Anxiety canย spike,ย regulation can drop, and what looks like โbehaviourโ is often just a nervous system in distress.ย
Thatโsย why in our home, weย gradually reintroduce routines about two weeks before school goesย backย โณ Weย slowly shift sleep schedules, talk more about school, bring structure back into the day, and begin preparing emotionally.ย Itโsย not perfect but it helps reduce the shock of going from holiday mode straight into full-time demands.ย
Supporting her transition back to schoolย
One of the most helpful supports this year has been her social story ๐ย
I asked her inclusion teacher to create a social story for her to read over the holidays. It included:ย
- What will stay the sameย
- What will be differentย
- Photos of her new classroomย
- Her teacher and support teacherย
- Where she will eat lunchย
- What her day might look likeย
Social stories help build familiarity and reduce anxiety before an event.ย Theyโreย not just useful for starting a new schoolย year theyย can also support children before excursions, discos, transitions, or any change in routine.ย
We also focused on bringing some joy into the transition I included her in choosing a few fun new things for school:ย
- A new pencil caseย
- New shoesย
- A keyring for her bagย
- A new cuddle buddy (a small soft toy she can take to school for comfort)ย
The cuddle buddy is one of her accommodations. While children are generally not supposed to bring toys to school, this small adjustment helps her feel safe and regulated and that matters more than strict rulesย
Making space for big feelingsย
Sheโsย had a lot of โred thoughtsโ coming into the new schoolย yearย worries, fears, and worst-case scenarios.ย Weโveย been working onย validatingย those feelings rather than dismissing them:ย
โThat makes sense.โ
โI can see why that feels scary.โ
โYouโre not wrong for feeling that way.โย
From there, we gently try to redirect toward โgreen thoughtsโย not forced positivity, but realistic, supportive alternatives that help her feel a little safer and more capable ๐ฑย
A different focus for my sonย
My son is heading into Grade 10, and our conversations look different this year. For him,ย weโreย focusing on autonomy and choice.ย
Heโsย chosen his subjects.
He has more control over whatย heโsย learning.
And he knows there are other pathways available now thatย heโsย older if the current one no longer fits.ย
That sense of agency matters especially for young peopleย whoโveย spent years feeling like school happensย toย them rather thanย with themย
For any parent navigating back to school with a nervous childย
Ifย youโreย in this season too, here are a few gentle tips that may help:ย
- Gradually reintroduce routines before school startsย
- Use social stories to build predictability and safetyย
- Involve your child in choosing school items to increase buy-inย
- Allow comfort items if possible (even small ones can make a big difference)ย
- Validate anxious thoughts before trying to reframe them ๐ฌย
- Focus on progress, not perfectionย
- Take it one term, one week, or even one day at a timeย
Back to school can be hard. It can also be hopeful. Often, itโs both at onceย
And ifย youโreย holding mixed emotions right now uncertainty, fear, hope, exhaustion, determinationย youโreย not alone ๐คย
By Kylie Gardner
The A Listย
