School Avoidance, Burnout & Neurodivergent Kids: What I’ve Learned as a Parent of Three 💛

School Avoidance, Burnout & Neurodivergent Kids: What I’ve Learned as a Parent of Three

School can be challenging for many children, but for autistic and ADHD kids, it can sometimes feel like an overwhelming storm 🌧️. As a parent to three neurodivergent children, I’ve walked through various stages of school avoidance, burnout, and re-engagement all very different, all very real.

And as more families face the same struggles, we’re also seeing a rapid shift toward alternative pathways like, homeschooling, flexible learning programs, trade-based schooling, distance education, and even unschooling. These options are no longer seen as “last resorts,” but as legitimate, empowering pathways that honor how neurodivergent kids learn best 🌱

Over the years, I’ve learned that school avoidance isn’t about being “difficult” or “lazy.”
It’s often about capacity, safety, sensory overwhelm, anxiety, pressure and burnout 🧠🔥. And the path forward is almost always paved with flexibility, collaboration, and listening to the child.

This blog shares our journey, the signs that something wasn’t working, and the practical things that helped in case it supports another family navigating the same path.

Understanding School Avoidance in ASD & ADHD

School can be incredibly overwhelming for neurodivergent children not because they don’t want to learn, but because most school environments simply aren’t designed with inclusion in mind.

Many autistic and ADHD students experience:

• Large class sizes that make it hard to focus or feel safe

• Fluorescent lighting that can be visually and physically painful

• Noisy undercover areas, playgrounds and hallways that create sensory overload

• Fast-paced transitions and constant demands on executive functioning

• Teachers who are willing but often under-supported in meeting diverse needs

• Expectations that don’t match their developmental capacity, especially when they’re masking or in burnout

For a neurodivergent child, these everyday school elements can stack up quickly and feel like a constant assault on their senses and nervous system.

School avoidance isn’t usually a behavioural choice it’s a message:

“This environment is too much for me right now.”

Tears, shutdowns, sick-bay visits, panic attacks, hiding, refusing to get out of the car, shutting down at school, or meltdowns at home after school are often signs of overwhelm not defiance.

Our Family’s Story

My 17-Year-Old: Re-engaging Through an Alternative Pathway

In Grade 11, my eldest hit the wall and signs of complete disengagement were creeping in. The traditional school environment was draining him, and burnout had taken over.

The turning point was switching to a trade school, where he:

• Attended school only 2 days a week

• Completed a Certificate II one day

• Worked the remaining 2 days

This structure gave him:

• Flexibility

• Autonomy

• Hands-on learning

• A sense of purpose and control ✨

He re-engaged almost immediately.
Last week, he graduated Grade 12 and it was because of this alternative pathway.

My 14-year-old Son Entering Year 10: Matching Learning With Interests

One of the hardest parts for him isn’t just the sensory load or academic demands it’s his awareness of the school system itself.

He sees clearly that the system is outdated, rigid, and not designed for neurodivergent learners like him. That awareness brings its own frustration, because he knows there could be better ways to learn if school structures were more flexible and inclusive.

What’s helping him feel optimistic for Grade 10 next year is:

• Choosing subjects he’s genuinely interested in

• More practical, hands-on learning

• Less desk time, more movement

• Clearer support and understanding teachers

• Knowing an alternative pathway is available if he needs it

We’re hopeful next year will be more aligned with how he learns best 💛

My 7-Year-Old Daughter: Full Burnout at 7

Right now, my youngest (Grade 1, autistic) is in a full burnout.
Some signs included:

• Panic attacks at school

• Frequent sick-bay visits

• Asking to come home

• Regression in self-care (dressing, brushing teeth)

• Increased sensory sensitivities

• Emotional overwhelm and shutdowns

Together with her school and psychologist, we put a recovery plan in place:

• Reduced expectations at school

• More sensory and movement breaks

• Time in the Inclusion Block

• No pressure to complete triggering activities

• Check ins where she can call home for some emotional support

• Reduced extracurriculars unless they bring her joy 🌈

• Lowered demands at home so she can rest

This isn’t “giving in.” It’s protecting her wellbeing 💛

Signs of Burnout & School Avoidance to Watch For ⚠️

• Morning distress or refusal

• Panic attacks, meltdowns, shutdowns

• “Living” in sick bay 😔

• Stomach aches or headaches

• Regression in skills

• Increased sensory overload

• Exhaustion after school

• Loss of interest in favourite things

• Trouble sleeping

If you’re seeing these, your child is communicating that something isn’t right.

Practical Tips: Working With Schools & Supporting Your Child

Start with collaboration, not confrontation
Meet with the school and focus on reducing overwhelm, not “fixing behaviour.”

Reduce demands to prevent burnout
Shorter days, fewer subjects, or more supported time can help.

Request reasonable adjustments, such as:

• More breaks

• Quiet or sensory spaces

• Modified workload

• Hands-on learning options

• Reduced homework

Align learning with interests
Kids learn better when they care about what they’re learning.

Explore alternative pathways
Trade schools, TAFE, part-time school, distance ed, homeschooling all valid and successful.

Bring in professionals for support
Psychologists, OTs, paediatricians, they can provide documentation and strategies.

Reduce home pressure
Let home be a recovery space, not another source of demands.

Prioritise sensory regulation
Noise-cancelling headphones, weighted items, movement breaks, quiet spaces, calming routines.

Validate their emotions
“You’re not alone. I’m here. We’ll figure this out.”

Remember: recovery takes time
Burnout isn’t solved quickly. Go gently.

Final Thoughts

School avoidance is more common than people realise especially for autistic and ADHD children. Every child deserves an environment where they feel safe, supported and understood. Sometimes that’s mainstream school. Sometimes it’s a modified plan. Sometimes it’s an alternative pathway entirely.

Each of my children has needed something different and each time we’ve listened, adapted, and advocated, things have improved 🌻

If your child is struggling, you’re not alone. There are options. There is hope. And your child can absolutely find a path that works for them.

By Kylie Gardner
The A List 💛